Merry Christmas maybe

We cancelled Christmas this year. It was a conscious decision, arrived at by consensus by the three of us. Now the day is here and I'm not sure if I'm struggling because there's no hoopla, no presents to open or if I'm struggling because it's hard to believe it's Christmas. There were several driving forces-my dad (which also involves time, etc), money, and a desire to see Ronan Tynan perform with the Buffalo Philharmonic. We couldn't get tickets and do Christmas too. When it came down to it, the decision wasn't hard. The concert will be worth it. Except for today.

I'm the one who makes Christmas happen. I've been making it happen for years. I find the perfect little antique beaded bag for Becky in February, I buy it and squirrel it away. A good-looking shirt for Charlie in July, ah, there you go. This year, because I don't get out shopping any more-it's tough to even get the necessities-and there hasn't been any money, I haven't done that. So my family doesn't get to tease me about the stuff I can't find because I don't remember where I put it, and they don't get to tease me about finding stuff a week later. They get a big kick out of that and so do I. It's part of Christmas. I make the sweet rolls, get the party rolling, keep it going, and put on a spectacular dinner to cap it all off. We switched around last year because we didn't think Newt would last all day, so for lunch we had a picnic. Hamburgers, hot dogs, macaroni salad, just like summer. Then Newt went back to the nursing home tired and full. Now he's here with us, weaker and much less with it. So we called it off.

I've talked to several people this year who have either scaled back, cancelled Christmas, or wish they could once they hear what we're doing. I'm sure there are still people rushing around and making the holiday perfect and that's fine. For me, I think stepping back will give me new appreciation when we do have Christmas again. And maybe sense enough to keep it reasonable and in a lighter tone. That would be something. I'll have to work on that. After today.